(復盤一下去年年底)
＊Recently, I’ve been reflecting on my life and realized that before I went to university in the U.S., I never really knew what I was doing with my life. It sounds ridiculous, but back then, the way I learned new things was by memorizing information without ever developing my critical thinking skills. I’m not talking about academics. I mean the kind of critical thinking that’s essential for pursuing my own interests.
I guess it’s because, as a child, I used to avoid contemplating things too deeply. If I had understood more, I might have felt overwhelmed with sadness and emotion perhaps to the point where I couldn’t handle it. So on a subconscious level, I used to keep telling myself “I don’t understand this” or “It’s impossible for me to understand”.
＊The education I received in the U.S. definitely helped a lot. I’ve gradually become more confident that I can accomplish the things I want to do (for example, playing games, music instruments, creating notes for academic subjects…etc) Although sometimes my poor critical thinking skills make my approach to solving problems feel a bit off, I’ve realized that as long as I’m thick-skinned and not afraid to look/ sound foolish, I’ll eventually come up with a better and more suitable solution for myself.
Honestly I’m pretty dissatisfied with where I’m at right now. But water under the bridge, can’t change the past and all that. I wonder if being dissatisfied is even worth it. So, yeah not sure why I’m even typing this out. I guess the toughest thing is just accepting myself. :(